First, know thyself

Even though I am in the business of knowing a lot about others, it has been confirmed to me over and over the importance I should reserve for the opinions of people about themselves.
You may wonder why this is something I waste time to inform you about when I could be telling you about the heat of the sun, the humidity of rain, or the spiciness of chiles. I have thought a lot about this, and last night while I was on call, I had an interesting interaction with one of my patients.
My patient was an elderly woman who had arterial disease in her legs and is waiting for a bypass operation tomorrow. She hadn't been up out of bed, so I offered to take her myself and we toured the unit together at a pace I have never considered in that environment. My laundry list of duties had been nearly cleared by 11:30 last night, so I decided to gamble on the chance that I would be called out for a trauma halfway back from the nurses' station and have to leave her stranded in the hallway next to the soiled utility room. We had a good walk, and she was the reflective type last night so I chatted with her. We discussed life, and death and her grandkids and great-grandkids.
She was widowed about 7 years ago, and she asked me about my family. Somehow the topic of my mom's departure came up and her husband's fight with cancer. She described the amazing fact that her husband had lasted just long enough to see his newborn first greatgrandson, as well as his 75th birthday, which were a week apart. Someone had told her that he would somehow last long enough for them both and she was considering how it was that he actually did.

This had me thinking about another patient I have had that has kept me up the past few nights on call. He is a guy who reminds me of my step-grandfather, who was a hardened old vet with more swearing than legitimate words in his spoken vocabulary. He claimed he had been a part of that company in Vietnam that was reenacted by Tom Hanks in that movie "We Were Soldiers." He had become quite anxious during the course of his admission here and was in jeopardy of losing his other leg to diabetes-related vascular disease. He constantly accuses all of the hospital staff of trying to kill him, kill his last good leg, and a bunch of other stuff I suppose doesn't bear repeating.
He had worked himself up into such a state that he began refusing the treatments that were keeping his leg alive, and his anxiety and paranoia were such that he refused treatments and then blamed the symptoms on the treatments. He finally confirmed my hope that he was going to stress his heart to the point that cardiology would have to take possession of him for more close monitoring, and bless his soul he finally started damaging his heart by being so worked up about everything.
My point is, I keep coming back to that observation that as much as I think I understand human physiology, there is this thing called emotions that also affects physiology in mysterious ways. I remember reading a couple of articles around the time my mother died. These articles discussed the observed affect someone's personality and emotional state has on their ability to overcome terminal diagnoses. They profiled lots of people who were diagnosed with the same kind of cancer and then followed them all to see who died and who didn't. As you may expect, the people who were resigned to whatever was in store for them, wishing not to fight the process did not survive nearly as well as those "nasty old birds" who always fight through everything.
Through this, I have learned two things: what you think about and how you approach things mentally and emotionally does have bearing upon your immune system and physiology, and if everyone in the room is randomly chosen to have a specific diagnosis, the meanest and most undeserving person gets the best prognosis, and the nicest of the group always gets the inoperable 100% fatal with a painful death prognosis.
Take it however you want to, but I think it is about time to stop being so nice and resigning myself to what is perceived to be inevitable. From now on I am going to wear a Livestrong bracelet and think mean, low thoughts for a few minutes every day, just to ensure I am not the nicest person in the room. That is if living here for the longest time possible is the ultimate goal, however, which brings me back to "First, know thyself."

Parting Quote:

Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. - Dr. Seuss

I would amend it to say "say what you should as a child of God" vs "what you feel."

David

Great Summer

Although I do feel a deep loyalty to the Pacific Northwest, this summer has been a good one. All of the kids are brown from the sunshine (I guess that Jan and Alec are brown, Anne Pilar just seems to be a less bright shade of white). The recreation opportunities, in our yard alone, are almost without number. They swing, swim in our little tiny plastic pool, water slide, do yard work, ride bikes and scooters, play house and matchbox cars - we can even walk to the park or the library if we get tired of our yard.
It is always fun to go in to get the kids out of bed in the morning (I think I meant to say "usually" not "always") because their attitude is something close to "Wow, so much to do. Can't believe that we slept this long!" What a good life.
Some days I do feel a little buried under the weight of fulltime caretaking. David does all he can to lighten my load but he has a heavier load than I do. In an hour or so he will be finishing up his 30 hour shift at the hospital and coming home to four people who will be so happy to see him.
I am finding that I need to go at a slower pace. It is when I have A List and am trying to cross things off that I become frusterated with the limitations of this time in life. My world is pretty small at this point, but I am grateful for a small world. The house, the yard, the grocery store and the library. I am grateful for my children and the good company that they are to me. Jan, although she is just four, lets me see myself and my attitudes in a way that I haven't before. I am consistently amazed by how readily she forgives me when I am impatient or upset. I do think, though, that she wants my job. Alec David is the comedian. He practices. We laugh all day long. We have not quite figured out Anne Pilar yet. She is different almost every day. One thing stays the same. She is a daddy's girl.
I love the kids, but David is still my favorite. I just don't get to see him as often as I would like. I would rather have just a little bit of time with David than alot of time with somebody else, though. Today is a good day because he gets to come home for lunch!

The Table

Waking up this morning, my first thought was "Man, I am sure glad I don't have to go in to work today." Then, my second thought was, "what in the world is she doing up?" My social four and a half year old daughter was either trying to stay under authority, or else feeling the need for adult agreement that she should probably use the restroom since nature was calling. Just wish nature would call later than 3:45am.

The second time I woke up this morning, my first thought was "Man, I am sure glad I don't have to go in to work today." Then, my second thought was, "why in the world should I get up?" Being able to contemplate getting up leaves one for time to reflect, and this is what I did.
Lying there in bed I thought I was most likely the most lucky guy ever. Commonly, I am suprised by this fact. I guess I never grew up having my goal be to say every week or so that I am most likely the luckiest/blessed guy ever. This is truly what I routinely believe, however. At the top of my list is the fact that I know the God of the universe in a personal way, and although unapproachable, He has desired to call me His son. Even thought that is enough for me, I am then blown away by the fact that He has chosen to bless me with the most wonderful friend and companion in my wife Kristi. I honestly don't know what married life is supposed to be like, but if my overhearing of conversation from most everyone I am surrounded by is any indication, there should be major disagreements, issues, frustrations, and heartache. I guess I am not married then, because what I have is better every day and I am only more and more content and grateful for her the more I get to know her. Then, when I do decide to get up out of bed, I am surrounded by three lovely children who call me "daddy," and ask me to help button their pants, feed them food, wipe their bottom, and look at their craft or recent garage sale or library finds.

Speaking of garage sale finds, I am stunned repeatedly when I walk through this amazing place God has given us to live in, the cars he lets us drive, the couches he lets us sit in, and the table he lets us eat at. Kristi and I have remarked several times at how blessed we are, and how hardly anything we have is something we have acquired on our own. Nearly everything we have has been given to us by friends and family. This brought me back to my amazement that I could possibly have anything to complain about. Matter of fact, I don't. Just that I have been and am currently in surroundings with co-workers and colleagues who are experiencing the exact same circumstances as myself, but nearly all they can talk about is how it is rotten, stinks, is horrible, etc..... For example, I have an attending physician I work with who is somewhat abrasive in nature and delivery, sometimes is downright in your face and accusing/challenging. What gets me is that if you sit there and take what he says and say, "okay, I will work on that" he is disarmed and after a few of these meetings realizes that you really want to learn and do your best. From then on he is much more open to teaching and instructing vs. accusing and demanding.
Is there a reason that someone who has been given everything thinks that others owe him something? I can't think of one, except that pride seems to get in the way of personal enrichment. I have found that in my training, most every "mean" attending physician is truly interested in my education. They just want to know if I am before they invest in me.

The funny thing about pride, in my experience, is that it is the enemy of personal growth. I have seen so many golden opportunities lost because the response was "how can I come out of this looking good?" instead of "what can I learn from this?"

Okay, I don't know what a blog is supposed to be for, but since I have been sick and lazed around the house all day, admiring my wife's most recent amazing garage sale deals, I decided that I would just stay home today and do nothing. Lucky you.

The Bargain Finder

While I am fooling around with sick people all day, Kristi has been usefully employed (along with her three able apprentices) as the decorator of our new place here in Ohio. It seems there is much more to the art of garage-saleing than I had appreciated. Here in the great Midwest, they have these new rules and procedures. An estate sale is referred to as a "tag" sale. I think the kids were most likely unfairly disciplined the first time they went and were told not to run around touching things and people and then fleeing with the farewell "You're it." Very misleading.
Also, for all of you ignorant northwestern natives, Thursday is the big day for a sale here. I was hoping I could bring this up with the residency program director here at the hospital and see if I couldn't have Thursday off from now on to go "tagging it" ( I guess you don't use that term unless you want funny looks) but from the empty eyes and raised left eyebrow I took it that I still have to show up on Thursday, tag or no tag.

Anyway, the point of all of this is to tell you that an experienced saler like Kristi is able to find all sorts of bargains. Matter of fact, we have now in our possession a fairly new three piece couch set (all matching), and just this past evening we again tested the capacity of our vehicle with a fairly new Pottery Barn dining room table and chairs. Actually, it is pretty exciting and I promptly got online from the new kitchen table to find out how much we saved off of the current price for this find. Seems like we got if for 94.6% off! Pretty good sale I must admit, and I bow to here skill and ability as well as keeping me in physical shape. Pretty clever woman.

Oh, if you can believe it, there yet a more impressive phenomena here that we didn't have in the northwest. No, not sunshine or humidity or buckeyes or Goodyear blimps.
Garbage Day!
That's right all of you bargain hunters, there is no better deal around here to be had than other people's trash: some of which has become our treasure. It wasn't too long after we arrived here that our neighbors informed us that on trash day people just plop down their unwanted items alongside their trash at the curb. Any one (and many) may cruise around on trash night looking for free stuff. So far, Alec has been the recipient of a new basketball hoop, complete with most of the original hoop.

Well, on that note I will close this flow and get back to seeing how I can cause trouble by getting the kids routy here on a rainy Saturday morning. Oh, I am sure you all know this, but you don't have to sneak around picking through people's trash if you come out here, everyone does it right out in the open. Sometimes it can get pretty rough, so bring some padding and a big stick.

David

Welcome

Greetings family and family friends. We decided to try this blog thing out, so here goes. We will see how well it works to keep us more in touch. Please email us at carnefamily@gmail.com if you have any comments, suggestions, gripes or praises... Just remember your praises should outnumber the criticisms 10:1