niagara falls and eczema

That is the best summing up of this September that I can think of. This month David was on the general surgery service for the first time since starting at the hospital. The schedule improved a bit and it was great to see him home for dinner pretty often. We had alot of fun with Grandpa Copper and Uncle Titus when they came out for a week or so (the kids are still going through withdrawals) and for the last couple of days of their visit David and I had a chance to get away for two nights.

This was the first time we have been able to be alone overnight since before Anne was born so we both felt like we were overdue! The kids had a wonderful time, but not as good a time as we did. We went to a bed and breakfast at Niagara-on-the-lake. The weather was beautiful and we enjoyed being out in it together. Niagara falls is impressive, but there are so many people and so many cheesy ways to spend your money within sight of the falls that it was nice to visit the falls and then retreat to Niagara-on-the-lake for some peace and quiet. There really was peace and quiet even though the Boy Scouts of Canada were camped by the hundreds on the green across the street from where we stayed. They were reinacting the War of 1812 complete with costumes and guns that at least made noise although they couldn't have been real. We enjoyed watching them as we walked into town for dinner, glad that we weren't joining their chow line for the "lots of hot dogs still left, guys!"

Dad and Titus gave us a good break and even kept the house clean. Jan informed me that Uncle Titus had taught them to count to ten in Halloween (I figured out later that she meant Japanese). Anne had been working on a nasty rash that was just getting to the edge of troublesome the day David and I left. By the time we got back it was terrible. It has been over a week now and it has cleared up quite a bit with the help of some medication, but she is still uncomfortable.

David is back at work now although the several days that he got to take off were a lifesaver for me. I think that he was able to get pretty rested up and it was just nice for the kids and I to get to see him for a good amount of time. I am grateful that he was around to help with Anne's eczema when it was really bad. We are praying that she will continue to heal and that if we can do anything to help her get better the Lord would show us what that would be. She has an appointment with an allergist on Thursday. She bears it pretty well, I think, but it really is a miserable thing. I wish now that I had taken a picture of her when her rash was bad, just for the record, but I couldn't bear to document it at the time, it made me cry to look at her.

We have been raking leaves and enjoying the blue sky and cooler weather. I think that Ohio falls beat their summers all to pieces. David runs an 8 mile portion of the marathon here on Saturday with some of his fellow residents running the other legs of it as a relay. Jan and Alec are all set to run the kids fun run on the same day while we wait for him to finish. (Alec decided to run this time because there is a goody bag for everyone who finishes.) We have made it down to the towpath a few times for a mix of bike riding/walking/running. We have taken the kids bikes down there several times and they really enjoy the opportunity to ride without worrying about traffic and the end of the driveway. Last night David ran his 7 or 8 miles while we walked and rode bikes. We are looking forward to this weekend because David gets both Saturday and Sunday off (unless "they" change their minds).

That was a little bit of our September. I don't know what October holds, but for me at this point it is all just a count down until this next baby is born. Supposed to happen sometime in the area of Carrie's birthday (December 18) so we have something like 12 weeks left. It always sounds so easy when you count it in weeks! We still don't have names picked out although our kids are never short on ideas about that. Alec is rooting for Spanky or Alfalfa and Jan really likes the name that Cori and Nils picked out for their baby if it is a girl and just doesn't understand why our baby couldn't match theirs. We'll come up with something soon...maybe in October!

Aren't snapping turtles fast, dad?

We had a day off today on Labor Day. Cleveland was having an air show and since we already paid for a year pass to the Zoo, I figured the more we go, the cheaper it gets so I drug the family up to see the animals again. We had lunch in our familiar bench with the elephants and people watched as we all snacked on cucumbers and olives and cheese and pretzels. There seems to be a strong representation of the Amish at the Cleveland Zoo because we have been there three times now and each time there must be at least 30 or so of them there. Either that or they all look the same to me and I just keep seeing them over and over, which is entirely possible. I think the best part of the zoo today was the Cheetah and Tortoise and Monkey area up above. We first came up on the tortoises and my soft spoken children were entertaining the other patrons with their ignorance as to the species presented to them, as well as the qualities of the genera and family. "Are those snapping turtles really fast, dad?" Well, son, those are tortoises.... and no, they are not exactly fast. "Oh, do their babies drink milk?" and so on.

Next was the cheetah pen. We overlooked that one the first time we were there due to the fact that they cheetahs were asleep. They were pretty lively this time, so we discussed the "tigers" and their speed, their relation to other cats, etc... We saw the gorillas, who were lying on their backs chewing on sticks, and so at dinner it was observed that "gorillas chew sticks." Actually, I will give you the entire sentence my son spewed: "Hey dad, these are eyes [holes chewed in a tortilla], and baby elephants drink milk don't they dad? Anne Peewar doesn't like spicy things, Hey Jan, I'm a bald eagle." And so it goes.

Back to the Zoo. We had a great time and left just before anyone wanted to, which is my strategy to get them to be excited about coming back so I can get a walk in and they can be occupied. I am now doing a general surgery and trauma surgery rotation, which is much better schedule-wise compared with my prior rotation of CardioThoracic and Vascular surgery. I have less attendings to cover for, and there are three of us interns on top of two senior residents. This makes the time much more relaxed and I actually have gotten caught up with my dictations and some reading as well. I also was able to operate with the residency program director last Friday, which was good. We took out a groin mass in about 3 min and he had me close for him. Was a good case for me to meet him better and discuss light topics like, why aren't you running in this marathon relay that the residents are running against the attendings?

I felt a bit like I was in the old days when I got home from being on call Sunday and my wife says, one of the emergency residents who goes to our church (the one we are checking out) has a piano they need help moving and their moving help fell through and it is going to rain. Reminds me of when my dear sweet mother used to talk on the phone and I would overhear, "yeah, we could come over and move that for you, what time is best?" I am not sure what WE she was referring to as she was just organizing the fun. I assume these folks had never seen me or pictures of me if they were asking for my help when lifting anything over 25 pounds. I suggested that my running shoes and apparel were for outrunning the piano should it obey gravity at any time.

This reminds me of the reason I felt like posting something. Yesterday was the 5-year anniversary of my mother's passing on. Seems impossible to me that is actually reality. I still have a difficult time believing she is not here. It must all be a dream. How is it possible that in the space of 5 years I could have applied to medical school, had my first child, moved to Portland and completed medical school, had two more children, been accepted in to general surgery residency and am now working as a general surgeon resident in Ohio in my first house with new acquaintances and surroundings? How is it possible that all this has happened without my mom here to share it? Seems impossible to me. I have to be honest and admit that my mom seems distant now. I used to feel that I would turn around or when someone answered the phone I would hear her voice, and I guess I still think this will happen. Now, however, I can go a whole day or so when I am really busy on call without thinking about my mom and what she would think about what I am doing or the grand kids she never met, or whatever. It has not really sidetracked me all that much, to tell the truth. I only really am bothered by her absence when things are either really good or really hard... those times you want people to share your experiences with you. Speaking of that, I have new pictures posted http://photos.yahoo.com/reyfrijoles if you want to share them with us. It is the Labor Day 06 album.

Gratefully, I have Kristi here to share with me, as well as my immediate family. I am blessed beyond measure and I honestly have no complaints. I am not okay with my mom not being around these past 5 years, but I am not mad about it anymore and I don't think it really matters anymore. I used to let it bother me and if it affects my attitude that is wrong. I start to think things like, "I wonder what my mom would think or say about this and that," but I now can honestly say to myself that it really doesn't matter to me what she would say or think because she is not here, and even if she were she would say it matters most what God thinks or says about my circumstances. I know He is most interested in my responses to where I am so I am back to needing to not be encumbered by past emotions or thoughts that would weigh down on my actions and attitudes. That whole putting the past behind you so you can focus on the present is key, and not to the exclusion of being unable to learn lessons from the past, but understanding that the past is there as a textbook for use in the present, and is not to be copied over and over.

Well, this is really rambly, and I apologize. I think I will post this thing and hit the sack. Another busy week ahead. Thanks for all of your thoughts and prayers and encouragement. God is good, trustworthy, and supremely desirable.


David

First, know thyself

Even though I am in the business of knowing a lot about others, it has been confirmed to me over and over the importance I should reserve for the opinions of people about themselves.
You may wonder why this is something I waste time to inform you about when I could be telling you about the heat of the sun, the humidity of rain, or the spiciness of chiles. I have thought a lot about this, and last night while I was on call, I had an interesting interaction with one of my patients.
My patient was an elderly woman who had arterial disease in her legs and is waiting for a bypass operation tomorrow. She hadn't been up out of bed, so I offered to take her myself and we toured the unit together at a pace I have never considered in that environment. My laundry list of duties had been nearly cleared by 11:30 last night, so I decided to gamble on the chance that I would be called out for a trauma halfway back from the nurses' station and have to leave her stranded in the hallway next to the soiled utility room. We had a good walk, and she was the reflective type last night so I chatted with her. We discussed life, and death and her grandkids and great-grandkids.
She was widowed about 7 years ago, and she asked me about my family. Somehow the topic of my mom's departure came up and her husband's fight with cancer. She described the amazing fact that her husband had lasted just long enough to see his newborn first greatgrandson, as well as his 75th birthday, which were a week apart. Someone had told her that he would somehow last long enough for them both and she was considering how it was that he actually did.

This had me thinking about another patient I have had that has kept me up the past few nights on call. He is a guy who reminds me of my step-grandfather, who was a hardened old vet with more swearing than legitimate words in his spoken vocabulary. He claimed he had been a part of that company in Vietnam that was reenacted by Tom Hanks in that movie "We Were Soldiers." He had become quite anxious during the course of his admission here and was in jeopardy of losing his other leg to diabetes-related vascular disease. He constantly accuses all of the hospital staff of trying to kill him, kill his last good leg, and a bunch of other stuff I suppose doesn't bear repeating.
He had worked himself up into such a state that he began refusing the treatments that were keeping his leg alive, and his anxiety and paranoia were such that he refused treatments and then blamed the symptoms on the treatments. He finally confirmed my hope that he was going to stress his heart to the point that cardiology would have to take possession of him for more close monitoring, and bless his soul he finally started damaging his heart by being so worked up about everything.
My point is, I keep coming back to that observation that as much as I think I understand human physiology, there is this thing called emotions that also affects physiology in mysterious ways. I remember reading a couple of articles around the time my mother died. These articles discussed the observed affect someone's personality and emotional state has on their ability to overcome terminal diagnoses. They profiled lots of people who were diagnosed with the same kind of cancer and then followed them all to see who died and who didn't. As you may expect, the people who were resigned to whatever was in store for them, wishing not to fight the process did not survive nearly as well as those "nasty old birds" who always fight through everything.
Through this, I have learned two things: what you think about and how you approach things mentally and emotionally does have bearing upon your immune system and physiology, and if everyone in the room is randomly chosen to have a specific diagnosis, the meanest and most undeserving person gets the best prognosis, and the nicest of the group always gets the inoperable 100% fatal with a painful death prognosis.
Take it however you want to, but I think it is about time to stop being so nice and resigning myself to what is perceived to be inevitable. From now on I am going to wear a Livestrong bracelet and think mean, low thoughts for a few minutes every day, just to ensure I am not the nicest person in the room. That is if living here for the longest time possible is the ultimate goal, however, which brings me back to "First, know thyself."

Parting Quote:

Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. - Dr. Seuss

I would amend it to say "say what you should as a child of God" vs "what you feel."

David

Great Summer

Although I do feel a deep loyalty to the Pacific Northwest, this summer has been a good one. All of the kids are brown from the sunshine (I guess that Jan and Alec are brown, Anne Pilar just seems to be a less bright shade of white). The recreation opportunities, in our yard alone, are almost without number. They swing, swim in our little tiny plastic pool, water slide, do yard work, ride bikes and scooters, play house and matchbox cars - we can even walk to the park or the library if we get tired of our yard.
It is always fun to go in to get the kids out of bed in the morning (I think I meant to say "usually" not "always") because their attitude is something close to "Wow, so much to do. Can't believe that we slept this long!" What a good life.
Some days I do feel a little buried under the weight of fulltime caretaking. David does all he can to lighten my load but he has a heavier load than I do. In an hour or so he will be finishing up his 30 hour shift at the hospital and coming home to four people who will be so happy to see him.
I am finding that I need to go at a slower pace. It is when I have A List and am trying to cross things off that I become frusterated with the limitations of this time in life. My world is pretty small at this point, but I am grateful for a small world. The house, the yard, the grocery store and the library. I am grateful for my children and the good company that they are to me. Jan, although she is just four, lets me see myself and my attitudes in a way that I haven't before. I am consistently amazed by how readily she forgives me when I am impatient or upset. I do think, though, that she wants my job. Alec David is the comedian. He practices. We laugh all day long. We have not quite figured out Anne Pilar yet. She is different almost every day. One thing stays the same. She is a daddy's girl.
I love the kids, but David is still my favorite. I just don't get to see him as often as I would like. I would rather have just a little bit of time with David than alot of time with somebody else, though. Today is a good day because he gets to come home for lunch!