Aren't snapping turtles fast, dad?

We had a day off today on Labor Day. Cleveland was having an air show and since we already paid for a year pass to the Zoo, I figured the more we go, the cheaper it gets so I drug the family up to see the animals again. We had lunch in our familiar bench with the elephants and people watched as we all snacked on cucumbers and olives and cheese and pretzels. There seems to be a strong representation of the Amish at the Cleveland Zoo because we have been there three times now and each time there must be at least 30 or so of them there. Either that or they all look the same to me and I just keep seeing them over and over, which is entirely possible. I think the best part of the zoo today was the Cheetah and Tortoise and Monkey area up above. We first came up on the tortoises and my soft spoken children were entertaining the other patrons with their ignorance as to the species presented to them, as well as the qualities of the genera and family. "Are those snapping turtles really fast, dad?" Well, son, those are tortoises.... and no, they are not exactly fast. "Oh, do their babies drink milk?" and so on.

Next was the cheetah pen. We overlooked that one the first time we were there due to the fact that they cheetahs were asleep. They were pretty lively this time, so we discussed the "tigers" and their speed, their relation to other cats, etc... We saw the gorillas, who were lying on their backs chewing on sticks, and so at dinner it was observed that "gorillas chew sticks." Actually, I will give you the entire sentence my son spewed: "Hey dad, these are eyes [holes chewed in a tortilla], and baby elephants drink milk don't they dad? Anne Peewar doesn't like spicy things, Hey Jan, I'm a bald eagle." And so it goes.

Back to the Zoo. We had a great time and left just before anyone wanted to, which is my strategy to get them to be excited about coming back so I can get a walk in and they can be occupied. I am now doing a general surgery and trauma surgery rotation, which is much better schedule-wise compared with my prior rotation of CardioThoracic and Vascular surgery. I have less attendings to cover for, and there are three of us interns on top of two senior residents. This makes the time much more relaxed and I actually have gotten caught up with my dictations and some reading as well. I also was able to operate with the residency program director last Friday, which was good. We took out a groin mass in about 3 min and he had me close for him. Was a good case for me to meet him better and discuss light topics like, why aren't you running in this marathon relay that the residents are running against the attendings?

I felt a bit like I was in the old days when I got home from being on call Sunday and my wife says, one of the emergency residents who goes to our church (the one we are checking out) has a piano they need help moving and their moving help fell through and it is going to rain. Reminds me of when my dear sweet mother used to talk on the phone and I would overhear, "yeah, we could come over and move that for you, what time is best?" I am not sure what WE she was referring to as she was just organizing the fun. I assume these folks had never seen me or pictures of me if they were asking for my help when lifting anything over 25 pounds. I suggested that my running shoes and apparel were for outrunning the piano should it obey gravity at any time.

This reminds me of the reason I felt like posting something. Yesterday was the 5-year anniversary of my mother's passing on. Seems impossible to me that is actually reality. I still have a difficult time believing she is not here. It must all be a dream. How is it possible that in the space of 5 years I could have applied to medical school, had my first child, moved to Portland and completed medical school, had two more children, been accepted in to general surgery residency and am now working as a general surgeon resident in Ohio in my first house with new acquaintances and surroundings? How is it possible that all this has happened without my mom here to share it? Seems impossible to me. I have to be honest and admit that my mom seems distant now. I used to feel that I would turn around or when someone answered the phone I would hear her voice, and I guess I still think this will happen. Now, however, I can go a whole day or so when I am really busy on call without thinking about my mom and what she would think about what I am doing or the grand kids she never met, or whatever. It has not really sidetracked me all that much, to tell the truth. I only really am bothered by her absence when things are either really good or really hard... those times you want people to share your experiences with you. Speaking of that, I have new pictures posted http://photos.yahoo.com/reyfrijoles if you want to share them with us. It is the Labor Day 06 album.

Gratefully, I have Kristi here to share with me, as well as my immediate family. I am blessed beyond measure and I honestly have no complaints. I am not okay with my mom not being around these past 5 years, but I am not mad about it anymore and I don't think it really matters anymore. I used to let it bother me and if it affects my attitude that is wrong. I start to think things like, "I wonder what my mom would think or say about this and that," but I now can honestly say to myself that it really doesn't matter to me what she would say or think because she is not here, and even if she were she would say it matters most what God thinks or says about my circumstances. I know He is most interested in my responses to where I am so I am back to needing to not be encumbered by past emotions or thoughts that would weigh down on my actions and attitudes. That whole putting the past behind you so you can focus on the present is key, and not to the exclusion of being unable to learn lessons from the past, but understanding that the past is there as a textbook for use in the present, and is not to be copied over and over.

Well, this is really rambly, and I apologize. I think I will post this thing and hit the sack. Another busy week ahead. Thanks for all of your thoughts and prayers and encouragement. God is good, trustworthy, and supremely desirable.


David