X

Hard to believe it, but ten years ago today, Kristi and I were wed. Seems like just a few days ago in some ways. Seems like a distant memory in others. I was asked by many staff I was working with today as to what my grand plans were to commemorate such a grand occasion. They weren't too impressed that I was going to study a bit, and find a place to go have dinner as a sitter was coming over for the evening. One of them suggested that I needed to further increase my current debt by throwing jewels at my bride. I quickly vetoed that suggestion. Not because I don't have a great desire to shower my lovely lady with expensive items that will make other marrieds wish they had just been so luck to have "caught" me, or give the fair maidens hope that there may be hope yet. I think it was somehow related to the natural progression of the conversation in the OR, which had me doing my own case, hip deep in a 330# gallbladder case, and the staff filling me in on all of the current events; namely, just how many wives Elizabeth Taylor had been, how many children she had had, whether or not her eyes really were purple, and just how big her ring really was.

They took ET out of the google que and put in 10 year wedding anniversary, to see which one it was. I told them I hoped it was rice, or beans, or something. They seemed to think it was Diamond. Well, it originally was aluminum. Perfect, I figured we could go to Chipotle and get a foil-wrapped burrito, and that would count. Then they said the more modern 10 year anniversary is diamond... I figure it should be 75 years or something, but most likely that one isn't very popular in the commercial world because nobody stays married that long anymore. Sell lots more jewels if you move it up a few decades... Don't go from tin to Gold, and then Diamond, just get the diamond out of the way while you still have a chance.

Seems pretty ridiculous to me that everyone expected me to have these amazing plans of driving home from work in a limo, picking up my wife with flowers in hand, ring in the box, and whisking her off to the most expensive eatery in Ohio. I suppose anything less would be a sign that I don't really love my wife, right?

Well, she had to settle with me coming home a few minutes early so I could stay with the little kids while she went to pick up Jan from her running class, and swing by and pick up the sitter on her way home. Then we went off to a romantic appointment in our 14-year old car (that works perfectly well, by the way) where I dropped her off at the salon to get her hair done for about 2 hours (have to take advantage of a sitter when you can get one). I spent the time studying for an exam I have here in a few days, and then we went out to one of our favorite restaurants and had a wonderful time talking about stuff and things (something we hardly ever get a chance to do).

On our way home we went to Barnes & Noble to look at books, never bought anything, and came home. We had a wonderful time, I think, and I didn't have to go into debt. We have one of the best relationships I have ever seen, or been around as far as I can tell. I am continually amazed by how wonderful my wife and best friend is, and do my best to help when I can, talk and listen when I am awake, and tell her how much I love her as often as I can. She does an amazing job of never criticizing me, helping me, protecting me, and keeping an amazingly good attitude in spite of a horrific schedule, 4 young children to rear, and a challenging income and environment with few real friends or family readily available.

Not sure what the next 10 years will bring, but if I get to spend any part of them with her, it will not matter. How did I ever get so blessed to be married to her for 10 years? She said "sure," when I asked her.

More Beaver Signs

Ice Cream

From Spring 2011

This post isn't really about ice cream. The weather has given a break for a few days. Warm enough to be outside without snowsuits, hike without sleds and make the kids ask if we can go swimming in the lake (I said "no", it really isn't that warm). We got some good work done on the outside of the house and we celebrated with ICE CREAM! We love Strickland's.

Last night, in our sleep deprived state, David and I took the kids up to Cleveland to participate in much anticipated Girl's Craft Night and Boy's Game Night at our church. We had a good time in many ways. At Girl's Craft Night the three girls and I found a table, set about trying to make some friends, went to find the restrooms while waiting for the activities to begin. I watched Jan attempt to make some friends, watched her watch girls play together, run across the church screaming each other's names and end up in a bear hug and squealing, jumping up and down, reveling in the pleasure of each other's company. I watched her hopeful smile become fixed and fake, her shoulders slump. Tears welled in my eyes. It has been a discouraging five years in terms of relationships, especially for Jan. I think that she notices it more than anyone else because she is so relational and because she is older than the other kids.

My first clue should have been that first summer we lived here. I signed Jan up for the ballet class for 4 year olds at the community center near our house. As the little girls would file into class she would sit there, hopeful that someone would want to sit by her. When someone did she was so happy! And then, the child's mother would intervene. "Oh, honey, don't sit there, come sit by YOUR FRIEND!" And she would bodily pick her child up and move her over to sit with HER FRIEND. After watching this for a few months we stopped going to ballet.

I used to think that maybe it was her imagination. That she was too sensitive. That it was just a particular group of kids. But I have come to realize that it isn't that at all. Somehow the children here have no room for an outsider. I have observed it in churches, in Sunday School, at neighborhood gatherings, at homeschool gatherings, at Friday co-op. Sometimes it is a thoughtless accident. Sometimes my kids are left out because other kids just don't realize, or notice them. I don't mind that so much. But too often it is a deliberate and purposeful act. Not just ignoring the "outsider" but picking on them and putting pressure on your friends to not sit by them or associate with them. I used to think it was because we were new. Well, we aren't new anymore. I wondered if it was our fault. I have carefully observed and come to know that it isn't. The other kids already have friends, and don't want new ones. No room at the inn. They are not encouraged by their parents to make new friends, just encouraged to be with the ones they already have.

I hurt for Jan last night, because I can't fix it for her. Ice cream doesn't even help anymore :)

We talk about what we can learn from this, and I hope that we never forget the lesson. I hope that we can be good friends to people who need it, not overlook people because they are outside our circle, reach out to people we aren't friends with YET. Maybe someday we can drive into church and somebody will smile and wave back at her. Maybe even yell her name and give her a hug! I am hopeful.

Beaver Hike

Kids are learning about beavers and went in search of evidence of beaver logging activity.

From Spring 2011

From Spring 2011

Birthday Girl!

This is a picture of Jan with Baby Elena taken about a week before Jan's birthday. Wow the kids sure loved having a baby around for a few days and I hear the lament "I wish we could see Baby Elena!" often.

Jan's birthday was on Saturday and David got to be home for the day. He took Jan out to breakfast and then stopped by the pet shelter near our house so that she could show him the dogs that live there. Just waiting for a home. Hint, hint. I was prety proud of Jan this year. She is a social person and really loves people. The last several years she has wanted to have a birthday party and it has not worked out. People don't show up, or there just isn't anybody to invite. This year we had plans made in advance with a dear family who are missionaries to Ukraine and are just in the area for a few months. So much excitement, looking forward to a birthday spent with some special friends since there are five children, all close in age to ours. But those plans had to be canceled because of sickness. Jan took it with a great attitude and just enjoyed the day in spite of the disappointment.

Jan's birthday was also the day for our home school group's Art and Talent show. All the children entered paintings/drawings and the three oldest played the piano in the recital. They all did great and handled pressure and being in front of people alot better than I did when I was their age.

Sure glad that God sent Jan to live with us 9 years ago. She is such an important person in our family and this last year has really grown up in many ways, always looking for ways to help me and make my load easier. She really loves the Lord and has made it a priority to spend time in the Word every day, without any prompting from me. She got glasses a few months ago and it has been an adjustment to try to wear them in all of her day to day adventures, but it has been worth it since she really was not seeing well without them.

We are talking more and more about moving and looking forward to it, but Jan has mixed feelings about it. Glad to go, but finding it hard to leave the familiar and start over again. Jan's birthday was the last Carne family birthday in Ohio!