Weakness

"...And in the same way the Spirit also helps our weakness; for we do not know how to pray as we should, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words; and He who searches the hearts knows what the mind of the Spirit is, because He intercedes for us according to the will of God." Romans 8:26-27

It really is good news. These verses are ministering to me this fall. I am so different from what I should be, so far from what I ought to be. Each new responsibility reveals a new area of sin in my life. I am so much worse than I thought. It is embarrassing to admit that I knew I was a sinner. I just didn't really understand that I was totally depraved.

Nothing like having children to reveal your own selfishness and utter inability to handle anything like a Christian.

It is late at night and for some reason I am especially prone to despair over my shortcomings and failures at this hour. Probably because it is the first time all day that I have had to think of anything beyond just surviving and trying to get even half of the things done that need doing....let alone doing them NICELY!

I remember how impacted I was the first time I read the book "If" by Amy Carmichael.

One section in particular:

"If a sudden jar can cause me to speak an impatient, unloving word, then I know nothing of Calvary love. For a cup brimful of sweet water cannot spill even one drop of bitter water however suddenly jolted."

There have been alot of jolts in the past several years (days) and I often spill bitter water. I wish that I didn't.

I am grateful for a God who helps me in my weakness. I am grateful that His Spirit intercedes for me according to the will of God. That even though I don't know what to say or what to ask for He talks to God for me and says "This is what Kristi is trying to say, this is what she means." I am grateful that I can cry out to God and that He intercedes coherently for me.