cooking up a mess

I used to really like to cook. That was before I had to make two of everything, and nothing turns out good anymore. I can't even make one batch of tuna fish there is a batch for Anne (made with olive oil and salt and quinoa) and a batch for everybody else. Today I tried to make two batches of cookies, one for Anne and one for the other kids. I ended up discouraged, scraping cookies off of baking sheets into the trash, having used up my butter supply, my time supply and my patience supply and having nothing to show for it but a full garbage, a messy kitchen, and a bad attitude.

I took Anne to the dermatologist today to see if he would have help to offer that we have missed so far. It was a 15 minute appointment and I liked him. He was good with Anne, looked at her rash which covers her feet, her legs, her belly, her hands and her neck and said "I don't have any doubt that we can have this totally cleared up." Which would be great. Her rash is already SO much better than it used to be and she is actually sleeping through the night most nights. He didn't hear about any of her story. He didn't seem to think it had much to do with anything she eats (I understand his point of view, but I know what she looks like when I feed her normal food) although he didn't belittle me for thinking so. I do think that there is part of her rash which has nothing to do with what she eats. It is there no matter what we do. So we have another round of creams and lotions and soaps to try. I would be pleased if her rash would totally clear up. But I have no doubt that if I feed her the wrong things it will come back.

In early March Anne got a cookie, a regular, good cookie, like all of the other kids were eating. It was an accident and we paid for it. Her rash worsened and became sore and painful. She cried and whined all of the time. Her nose ran like a faucet and she was unhappy and disobedient. She coughed and whenever she took a sharp breath in it sounded funny. This lasted for about a week and a half. It doesn't sound too bad, but the reality of spending just one day with a little girl who cannot stop crying is the pits. A few days later I fed her some garbanzo beans. She has never been tested for those but I had not given them to her because she had an immune resonse to peas and they are in the same family. It took 12 - 24 hours for her to break out in red spots and begin uncontrollable itching. That one only lasted for two days and I am grateful.

It is more than just a rash. I am grateful that this last year she has gained weight and is growing. She is healthy in many ways and happy when she doesn't eat what she should't. Now that I have written it down I am a little ashamed about complaining about it when she can do so many things normally and just has to avoid some things to stay relatively healthy.

Who needs cookies anyway? There is alot to be said for apples and bananas and pears and grapes. No mess, no work, and they turn out good most every time.